Unflappable

I'm no longer dependent on coffee!

In a completely unrelated news story, I’m now dependent on tea.

You know you're a bachelor when...

You rearrange your refrigerator to make more room for your mustard packets.

Could I borrow your time machine please

You will not believe what my Past Self did. He left empty ice trays in the freezer. Empty!

Could I borrow your time machine? I’d like to go back in time and punch him in the face.

Things I've said that I'm man enough to admit was wrong

#47: “You Can Never Have Too Many Olives,” proven when I made a Mediterranean dish with approximately 50% olives by weight.

Perception vs. Reality (2)

Item: Perrier

Perception: Natural. Classy.

Reality: Water and gas captured separately in France, carbonated during bottling, and shipped 10,000 miles so you can have French bubbles up your nose instead of those trashy American bubbles.

Perception vs. Reality

Item: Converse Chuck Taylor All Stars

Perception: Counter-culture, indie culture, rebellion.

Reality: Owned by mega-corporation Nike, manufactured for pennies an hour in Indonesia to maximize profit for shareholders.

Wait a second… tell me again what we’re rebelling against?

Dangers of being a nerd

#37: Lack of regular sunlight, i.e. vitamin D, can cause pain due to osteomalacia, i.e. soft bones. That’s why nerds scream so loudly when you punch them in the face. Try it some time, you’ll see.