Unflappable

2009

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
January 31

2008

June 30
May 31
April 30
March 10
February
January

I'm no longer dependent on coffee!

In a completely unrelated news story, I’m now dependent on tea.
Feb 23rd

You know you're a bachelor when...

You rearrange your refrigerator to make more room for your mustard packets.
Feb 22nd

Could I borrow your time machine please

You will not believe what my Past Self did. He left empty ice trays in the freezer. Empty! Could I...
Feb 21st

Things I've said that I'm man enough to...

#47: “You Can Never Have Too Many Olives,” proven when I made a Mediterranean dish with...
Feb 20th

Perception vs. Reality (2)

Item: Perrier Perception: Natural. Classy. Reality: Water and gas captured separately in France,...
Feb 19th

Perception vs. Reality

Item: Converse Chuck Taylor All Stars Perception: Counter-culture, indie culture, rebellion. ...
Feb 18th

Dangers of being a nerd

#37: Lack of regular sunlight, i.e. vitamin D, can cause pain due to osteomalacia, i.e. soft bones....
Feb 17th

Urinating

Is so detoxifying.
Feb 16th

If the world ran on LOVE

Why should the world run on money and power? What if the world ran on LOVE? Your paycheck would...
Feb 15th

Jack, the socially phobic thrill seeker

People who are socially phobic really have it made. To get their heart racing...
Feb 14th

News from year 2029

Game developers invent new way to pretend to kill people. Atkin’s diet officially labeled...
Feb 13th

Chicken Sandwich

If you don’t eat chickens, the chickens will eat you. Show your manliness and order a chicken...
Feb 12th

Yoga

Yoga class is where you pay someone $20 to tell you to sit quietly and breathe. Because you...
Feb 11th

Dangers of being a nerd

#25: Sitting all day at a computer can give you a cyst on your ass. I bet Indiana Jones never had to...
Feb 10th

Smoking, part V

Jon: You know, you shouldn't smoke.
Sam: Let me guess. One day I'll accidently fall asleep with a lit cigarette in my hand, catch my chair on fire, give myself third degree burns or worse, burn down my house, and burn down the entire neighborhood block in the process. Is that what you were going to say?
Jon: No, I wasn't going to say that! Gosh! Well, actually, yes.
Feb 9th

Smoking, part IV

Jon: You know, you shouldn't smoke.
Sam: Yes I should. I think you should too. Why don't you?
Jon: I'm afraid you're suffering from R.A.P.
Sam: I most certainly am not suffering from... what is it that you said?
Jon: R.A.P. - Reduced Athletic Performance. We just walked up a 1% incline and you ran out of breath halfway through.
Sam: Oh, you mean Devil's Sidewalk next to the preschool? That mountain is a bitch, man.
Jon: Dude, it's just a normal city block. Plus you took a cigarette break at the end.
Sam: You would have taken a cigarette break too, if you smoked. Why don't you?
Feb 8th

Smoking, part III

Jon: You know, you shouldn't smoke.
Sam: Because you hate the smell, right?
Jon: It costs $100 a month and you're fucking broke.
Sam: Oh.
Jon: Seriously. There's a recession. You can't survive on ramen and cigarettes.
Sam: But I own stock in Philip Morris! Every time I buy a pack, I'm contributing to the profit margin. Which means more dividends for me.
Jon: That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard.
Feb 7th

Smoking, part II

Jon: You know, you shouldn't smoke.
Sam: It will make my lungs turn black, right?
Jon: It makes you smell bad.
Sam: Oh.
Jon: Seriously. Your clothes, your breath, everything. Stinky.
Sam: Well, now that we're on the subject, you smell like ass.
Jon: What?
Sam: Seriously, try to stay off the cauliflower for a couple days.
Feb 6th

Smoking

Jon: You know, you shouldn't smoke.
Sam: Right.
Jon: It will turn your lungs black.
Sam: What color are my lungs now?
Jon: I... errr... Well, I don't know.
Sam: I'll tell you what color healthy lungs are: they're also black. You know why? Because there's no fucking light inside our fucking bodies, therefore everything inside is black!
Feb 5th

This just in

U.S. destroys opium crops in Afghanistan, terrorists respond by threatening to destroy U.S. cheese...
Feb 4th

Classified ad

Looking for A++ thief. Good starting percentage. Police, please don’t read this.
Feb 3rd

Gossip news alert

1,000th woman falls for man who plays acoustic guitar to get chicks.
Feb 2nd

Breaking news

Zygotes given full citizenship rights, blastocysts cry foul.
Feb 1st