Unflappable

Personals Translation

• “What they say” -> “What they mean”
• “I’m sensitive” -> ”I will complain about a person who cut in front of me in line at grocery store… for several weeks”
• “I enjoys quiet evenings at home” -> ”I’m boring and can’t keep up a conversation”
• “I’m a good cook” -> “I expect you to eat my cooking”
• “I’m looking for man who won’t constantly stare at other girls’ breasts” -> “I will never be happy”
• “Let’s be friends first” -> “I don’t put out on the first date”
• “I’m lonely” -> “I put out on the first date”
• “I’m the party girl” -> “I put out while drunk. Also, I am drunk right now”
• “I don’t want to deal with any more pain” -> “I got dumped for the party girl”
• “I’m kinda dorky” -> “I snort and possibly drool while laughing”
• “I don’t take life too seriously” -> “I have massive amounts of debt”
• “I’m a firecracker” -> “I fart during sex”